"Singlehood"

By Christine Rivera

Is it really a big sin being single and happy? That’s what most people think, that it’s not possible to be happy when you are 25 and single. My friends and acquaintances would make me feel that way when I see them and they would insist that I am actually lying and trying to put a mask to hide my misery and loneliness. Well, I may be alone but never lonely, but for some people it’s just too hard to believe. I cannot blame them and yes, I do see their point. It’s valid if I come to think of it. It feels nice to have somebody to pick you up from work, to watch the latest movie, to cuddle up with and if you are lucky, to have a very intelligent and enjoyable conversation. But this also means you have somebody to demand your time, to ask you questions about all your dealings (and you’re obliged to tell him or her), to fight with over the most petty things, etc., Most people my age, at least 85% of the population, are committed, regardless of the depth of the relationship. This percentage is huge and it puts pressure on the remaining people who are unattached. It’s one hell of a pressure to deal with if I may say. There are few who understand that it’s something which should not be rushed, that is if one is really after a serious, lasting relationship. I have come up with some reasons why a person stays or would choose to stay single for a certain time or even a lifetime. These are from my observation of single people, from my deep thinking about being alone and of course my own experiences.

First reason, no one ever gets interested about you. Ouch! But, yes this is true. I have friends both guys and gals who are so desperate and even frustrated on having a special someone. For women, the dilemma is that no men ever stared at them for more than two seconds. Well, this is regardless of the looks, although it counts, but I am speaking a little figuratively here. For men, well it’s the other end of the rope, they get dumped by the girls they are courting. One is not less painful than the other is, it’s both degrading I think. It can also be that people see you better as a friend and not so much as a partner, that’s a better excuse, but at the end of the day, when your friends are calling their honeys, babes, sweethearts and all that mushy names, you will still somehow feel the sting of envy. Too bad, isn’t it?

Another reason would be there are too many to settle for one. A shopper wouldn’t be able to make up his mind easily on which pair of shoes to take when there are so many which are of equal quality, beauty and price, so what he does is to try them on so many times before deciding. Sometimes, he even ends up not buying anything at all. Very true with some people who are taking their time choosing and playing. I can say I’m one of them, I’m not particularly playing but I am looking at my choices very, very carefully, with scrutiny and keen eyes. I give hints but not solid hope. I let them look but never touch, not yet. That gives the expectant, something to expect and to think about (wink!). Playing or just simply choosing, we have to be careful and consider time as well, not all of our lives we will be in the position to select, the world is round, it can be, God forbid, that when we are ready to choose there will be no choices anymore…

There are those who are not ready to give up their lives. As I have said, having a relationship would require all of you. The patience, the emotions, money, and time. You will, one way or the other, have to give up a part of your life to make the relationship work. It’s easier when you are ready but when you’re not it will eventually be a big problem for you and your partner. One cannot cage an eagle and forever deprive him of the freedom to soar and explore the skies. He will find a way to get loose and conquer his world again or if not, just die; he will not be able to survive prison. Human can be like that, the determined career person who exudes freewill and leads a carefree life cannot be bound by the “should be’s” of a love relationship. They maybe selfish at one point, but they owe it to themselves to make the most out of their time. I am quite sure that getting serious about a man or woman is part of the list but written at the bottom though. And its reasonable rather then getting involved and screwing it up in the end.

Some people like me who got hurt big time and wouldn’t want to jump into another relationship and risk it again. My ex dumped me for another girl. He was a freaking liar and yes I was bitter to the bones. I have the right to be, it has been my most painful experience, and given the choice, I will never go through it again. I do have a choice, that is to stay away from men for the mean time and enjoy myself alone. Some say that it’s easier to get over a failed relationship if you have a new one. It maybe true but what if that also fails? Two in a row! Meaning, double pain. Of course, it’s harder to get over it alone but the effect is lasting. Wounds do not heal over night; neither will it heal by plastering it by band- aid or something. It takes time and patience, and self- control on not exposing it to dirt or anything that may complicate it even more. Same with a wounded heart and some are brave enough to take this course. Few will agree and most will give me a smirk and snort at this. I am not being cynical, but this has been my experience, first hand information. It worked for me, it may not with you, bottom line is, don’t allow yourself to get hurt again. Take it easy.

The last is choosing it. No past experiences, no bitterness, nothing… just simply choosing to be single. I am not kidding; I have met one person who actually opted to stay single. She is pretty, intelligent and nice. She has friends, a lot of them. She is happy and even shares her happiness unconsciously. She radiates satisfaction with her life and she is not ashamed that she is single. I have met other people who are single and said it was their choice; I never believed any of them. It was obvious that they longed for the relationship. They are aching to have that someone to love them. They are just faking the pain and even joke about it so people will not see the emptiness in their hearts. However, this woman made me believe her stand effortlessly. When I asked her why she is still single, she just simply said, “it’s my choice”, no explanation and not a single tone of resentment in her voice. Maybe that was why people believe her. Others would never stop explaining and enumerating reasons to make others (or themselves) believe it was really a choice. For me, this is a very rare paradise, there will be lonely night for sure, but its something that this lady had decided and will stand for. It is amazing, but not all can do this, so unless you are 100% sure about it, do not take this road.

There are more reasons why people stay single, very personal ones that we should respect. It’s a hard feat, a journey some people, like me, has to take. We need people to understand and encourage us, you may not fully understand it but at least you can give us a pat on the back. Life is short we have to seize it and do the things that we want; how we do it is relative. Nevertheless, as long as we can say that we are happy, with or without a boyfriend or girlfriend, it’s our call. Besides, it’s our life…